Movie Review: Star Wars: The Clone Wars
Warner Bros., Lucasfilm Movie Directed By Dave Filoni
Aug 19, 2008
"All sound and fury; signifying nothing."
Never was was the Shakespearean quote more appropriate when evaluating Star Wars: The Clone Wars; nothing more than a pointless excuse to depict big explosions and battle scenes. Creator George Lucas' reasons for keeping the Star Wars franchise going have become more and more threadbare as he and his minions pummel all sense or sensibility out of "a galaxy, far, far away."
Judging by the flick's opening weekend (a paltry $14.6 million), it looks like the legions of former Star Wars fans are no longer willing to support the franchise's rapidly declining quality.
Plot? What Plot?
Jabba the Hutt's infant son has been kidnapped, and he's threatening to close the Outer Rim's space lanes to the Republic if he doesn't get his little darling back.
Do you think that Count Dookie - sorry, Dooku - and the rest of the Separatists are behind the kidnapping? And do you think they have a convoluted plot to foil Obi-Wan Kenobi (James Arnold Taylor) and Anakin Skywalker (Matt Lanter), who must rescue Rotta the Hutt-ling (yep, that's his name) and broker peace between Jabba and the Republic?
Unfortunately, much of that plot rests of several McGuffins and deus ex machina moments that show Dooku convincing Jabba of the Republic's evil. It would have made more sense if he'd just used a Jedi Mind Trick.
In addition, Anakin gets a Padawan apprentice: a red-skinned Hanna Montana-wannabe named Ahsoka Tano (Ashley Eckstein), who cracks bad jokes and gives everyone nicknames like "Sky-guy," "Artooie," "Stinky," and "Punky Muffin." The banter between Ahsoka and Anakin is supposed to add lightness and wit to the script, but only makes the viewer wish the future Darth Vader would just give her a lightsaber enema.
And let's not forget another pointless (there's that word again) subplot featuring Padmé (Catherine Taber) and a brightly-painted, simpering uncle of Jabba's who should prove as appealing to gay advocacy groups as Jar-Jar Binks did to the NAACP.
Star Wars: The Clone Wars Is All About the Fights
Yes, the battle scenes are stunning, but all that razzle-dazzle is useless if it doesn't surround a good movie. Unfortunately, the script is clunkier than Obi-Wan's beard, with redundant info-dumps, and sad attempts at humour (the robot one-liners are more embarrassing than funny).
The wretched script is more than matched by the wooden character designs and acting. Characters' lips barely move, and the facial expressions are cold and minimal. Hair barely moves during the frequent action scenes, and the beards on Obi-Wan and Dooku look like they were made from plastic.
Even the battles start to lose their way after a while. The lowlight is a desert duel between Anakin and Dooku that has probably the most pathetic resolution in Star Wars history. It's clear that Lucas decided that he wanted another duel between the two characters (prior to Dooku's death in the opening moments of Revenge of the Sith), but didn't know how to resolve it while keeping both characters alive. Another lightsaber battle between Obi-Wan and Sith assassin Ventriss makes more sense within the context of the film, but not by much.
The Final Analysis
Star Wars: The Clone Wars gets a 1/10, mainly for the impressive battle scenes, but it's merely another nail in the coffin for this once-proud franchise. George Lucas either needs to go back to scriptwriting school, or hand Star Wars over to filmmakers who know something about plot and character development. Star Wars Christmas Special, the bar has been raised.
Trailers with Star Wars: The Clone Wars include Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa, The Express, and City of Ember.
